THE SUMMER OF SCI-FI: 2005 SUMMER MOVIE PREVIEW
‘HITHCHHIKERS,’ ‘STAR WARS,’ ‘WAR OF THE WORLDS,’ ‘THE ISLAND,’ JUST TO NAME A FEW

By Steven Snyder

Let’s be honest about what’s really important: This is the summer that “Star Wars” fades into history – for good.

Opening three weeks from tonight, “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” will take theaters by storm. No doubt for the ensuing two months at area theaters, it will eat up screens as the faithful return for multiple viewings.

Almost more interesting than discussing the numerous films set for release this summer is the debate as to how much this highly-anticipated, climactic, science-fiction epic will rake in at the box office? A disappointing $200 million? A surprising $300, perhaps $350 million?

Is the appetite still there, or has the force faded?

The good news for the rest of the world, however, is that the other major movie studios have tried their best to rise to the challenge, releasing a slew of prominent titles to cash in on the “Star Wars” craze.

2005’s summer season really kicks off tomorrow, so here’s Zertinet’s picks for the most interesting works scheduled for release over the next four months, or 15 weeks.

Let’s just hope we don’t get any more snow.

APRIL

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APRIL 29

“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”

The much-anticipated sci-fi comedy, based on the quirky, sardonic and hilarious world of British writer and broadcaster Douglas Adams, “Hitchhiker’s” will either attract an entirely new generation of fanatics and launch a “Guide” franchise, or fall short with a resounding thud.

Anticipation:

“XXX: State of the Union”

A sequel to the giddy 2002 Vin Diesel action spectacle, very little of the original translates into this second version. In “ Union,” Diesel is replaced by Ice Cube, as the agent who must protect the life of the American President.

Anticipation:

MAY

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MAY 6

“Crash”

Already the brilliant screenwriter of “Million Dollar Baby,” “Crash” marks Paul Haggis’ major directing debut. This cinematic collage details how the lives of several Los Angeles strangers become intertwined due to a tragic car crash.

Anticipation:

“ Kingdom of Heaven”

The film’s biggest liability: Orlando Bloom’s atrocious performance in “ Troy,” that proved just how bad an actor he is outside the “Lord of the Rings” universe. Here, Bloom plays a young blacksmith in 12 th century Israel training to become a knight to serve in the Crusades. It’s the first huge, sweeping epic of the year - but also the first one starring Bloom as the sole male lead.

Anticipation:

MAY 13

“Monster-in-Law”

Simply put, it’s the comedy battle of the season: Jennifer Lopez vs. Jane Fonda. The success of the film depends on how interesting this tug-of-war turns out to be. Lopez plays a dog walker who meets a cute guy, but ends up warring with his mother who thinks Lopez isn’t that great of a catch.

Anticipation:

MAY 19

“Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”

Well, for better or worse, this is it. According to “Star Wars” lore, Anakin will abandon Padme, war with Obi Wan, join the emperor and become Darth Vader. We know the destination; the real question instead becomes how exciting Lucas can make this final journey.

Anticipation:

MAY 27

“ Madagascar”

It’s the big animated film of the summer: Dreamworks’ comedy about four animals in the Central Park zoo – a lion, zebra, giraffe and pregnant hippo – who find themselves stranded on the shore of Madagascar after a ship transporting them to Africa has troubles at sea. The film features an impressive lineup of vocal talent, including Chris Rock and Ben Stiller.

Anticipation:

JUNE

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JUNE 3

“Cinderella Man”

Originally scheduled for release last Oscar season, this Russell Crowe-starring, Ron Howard-directed boxing film will strive to be what “Seabiscuit” or “The Legend of Bagger Vance” were a few years back: the sports/action/drama/nostalgia piece of the summer. “Seabiscuit” was able to remain popular until Oscar time – could “Cinderella Man,” and the electric Crowe repeat?

Anticipation:

JUNE 10

“Mr. & Mrs. Smith”

Now this film has just the right mix of actors, chemistry and creative story to pique my interest. Starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as husband and wife, who don’t know that the other is a professional assassin, they both get the mission to kill their spouse. It could be a lot of fun.

Anticipation:

JUNE 17

“Batman Begins”

Before “Batman and Robin,” seeing “Batman” in the title was a good thing. With George Clooney out and Christian Bale in, and directed by the edgy Christopher Nolan (“Memento,” “Insomnia”), it might be again. This prequel aims to detail the moment of metamorphosis: When the mild-mannered Bruce Wayne donned the cape and the mask, and embraced his new life of fighting crime to avenge his parent’s deaths. For anyone who loved the 1989 “Batman,” this could be your happiest day of the summer.

Anticipation:

JUNE 24

“Herbie: Fully Loaded”

It’s the sixth “Herbie” film, the sixth in a series of motion pictures that feature a talking Volkswagen. This time around the living car gets mixed up in the world of Nascar. Yes, Nascar. And it stars Lindsay Lohan. Um, that’s about it. I guess if you have kids and have already seen “ Madagascar…”

Anticipation:

JUNE 29

“War of the Worlds”

It will either be a colossal achievement of a monstrous waste of time. Steven Spielberg, the king of modern mainstream wonder, attempts to put his own spin on the 1898 sci-fi novel and the 1953 feature film about an alien species’ invasion of Earth. This time, it’s starring Tom Crusie, Dakota Fanning and Tim Robbins, and is being made on a far larger scale and with far more sophisticated tools than the makers of the first film could have likely conceived some 52 years ago.

Anticipation:

JULY

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JULY 8

“Fantastic Four”

Based upon the popular Marvel comic books, “Four” is about a group of superheroes who get their powers after an experimental space voyage doesn’t go exactly as planned. Many films based on comic books are exceptional, exciting visualizations. But for every “Spider-Man,” there’s a “Spawn” or two.

Anticipation:

JULY 15

“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”

Good old Johnny Depp is back again this summer, and he promises to deliver yet another memorable blockbuster performance. A natural fit for this surrealist adaptation of the 1968 novel, this “Charlie,” directed by master stylist Tim Burton, is reportedly far more faithful to the book than the Gene Wilder film. Burton, Depp, Chocolate Factory: How can you not be intrigued?

Anticipation:

JULY 22

“The Island”

Another summer, another dismal Michael Bay action headache. Or is it? Starring Ewan McGregor, and minus the overbearing action producer Jerry Bruckheimer, this story concerns cloning from the clone’s perspective, as they realize they exist merely to provide spare parts for their originals. In any case, it can’t be any worse than “Bad Boys II.” Thanks Mike.

Anticipation:

JULY 29

“The Brothers Grimm”

Interest in this film stems simply from the names. Terry Gilliam, the director of “12 Monkeys,” oversees Matt Damon and Heath Ledger as they play the brothers who would, in real life, write the folklore that made the name “Grimm” famous. This action film depicts one of the brother’s adventures into a haunted forest. Then again, with Gilliam’s films, it’s never quite that simple.

Anticipation:

“Must Love Dogs”

No, not a Christopher Guest sequel to “Best In Show,” unfortunately. This is the romantic comedy du jour, starring – you may have guessed – Diane Lane, and – you may not have guessed – John Cusack. It’s the story of a lonely girl who meets a wonderful guy, all thanks to a newspaper personal that insists the woman must love dogs. Will the movie seem as desperate as the premise sounds? We’ll find out in three months.

Anticipation:

AUGUST

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AUGUST 5

“Doom”

July’s missing out, but every other month boasts a massive sci-fi extravaganza in hopes of capturing the teenage audience. April’s got “Hitchhiker’s,” May’s got “Star Wars,” June’s got “War of the Worlds,” and in August it’s “Doom,” although there is some speculation that the opening date may change. Starring The Rock, and based upon the popular computer games, it’s about a special ops squad that travels to a distant planet and must fight off mutant attackers.

Anticipation:

BIG SCREEN LOOKS TO THE SMALL SCREEN

Continuing a trend that started a few years ago, movies based on television series are still popular in 2005.

Surely convinced that familiar titles have a guaranteed audience, this year’s replicas of last year’s “Starsky and Hutch” and “The Spongebob Squarepants Movie” include:

• ‘The Dukes of Hazzard,” starring Johnny Knoxville of “Jackass” fame and Seann William Scott of the “American Pie” films, is based on the ‘80’s comedy series of two redneck cousins and their wacky southern adventures. (August 5)

• “The Honeymooners,” starring Cedric the Entertainer and Mike Epps, is based on the ‘50’s comedy series of two men, their wives, and their crazy schemes to get rich. (June 10)

• “Bewitched,” starring Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell, is based on the ‘60’s sitcom about a perfectly normal domestic couple – except for the fact that Kidman is a witch, is not allowed to marry non-witches, and now Ferrell must try to appease her extended family. (June 24)

THE SUMMER’S SMALLER TITLES

Just as new blockbusters speed through area multiplexes, new titles are also scheduled to arrive at the area’s independent venues, including the Downer, Oriental and University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee Union theaters, as well as the Times Cinema.

Here are three of the smaller titles scheduled to reach Milwaukee soon:

(NOTE: We don’t know the release dates yet, because the movie industry considers Milwaukee to be a substandard market. In other words, we get the scraps whenever they decide to toss them our way.)

“ Gunner Palace”

“Palace” strives to bring home the first-hand story of what it’s like for our soldiers on the streets of Iraq, as seen through the eyes of an embedded documentarian. Torn between being police, soldiers and diplomats, these men and women exist in a permanent state of uncertainty, at times feeling irrelevant and at other times feeling like death could be around any corner.

“The Holy Girl”

“Girl” is an explosive drama about the sexuality of two teenage girls in Argentina, and how their sinful obsessions with older men threaten their families, themselves and the norms of the greater society.

“Me and You and Everyone We Know”

Roger Ebert’s favorite film at this year’s Sundance, and one of the most vivid expressions from a female filmmaker in years, Miranda July’s self-referential, experimental critique of modern American life captures the romantic flirtations of a female performance artist and a lonely shoe salesman.

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